Deep Thought Of The Day:

"I am sorry" 

When you utter that phrase, do you mean it?  Seriously?  How about this, try NOT to do the things that would cause one to say the aforementioned.  Yet, if you actually have to say this to anyone, please ensure you have the appropriate contrition behind it, because if you don't, you will always find yourself repeating said phrase, and never truly learning how to grow from mistakes.

Dwayne L.

Poem: Dreams

When I close my eyes, magic appears

That of my hopes, and also my fears

Some are like cheerleaders, minus the cheers.

Some, a quick synopsis of my darkest, most painful years

Dreams show me signs, some of a vivid imagination

where I can navigate a path, realitiy or some wild creation

I want understanding, yet I feel time is wasting

wasting on time, not on fascination

I see glimpses of who I used to be

that of a family man, walking toward a destiny

but now, they are random, not a true extension I see

yet, I can't seem to understand what these dreams are saying of me

Highs, lows, peaks, and valleys, but I wonder what my subconscience means

am I compassionate, free, and understanding...or a shell of a man, contempt to be

I don't know, answers seem to escape me, but dreams of happiness never flee

Reflective pool, are these dreams, that I know for a fact, as I smile with glee

But what about the scares, that wake me out of mydreams

are they still scares, without the company of screams

or...what if its a sequence out of a movie scene

that I happened to witness before I did, the pillow, lean

Who knows, but my dreams are mine alone, to understand

the definition of miscommunication, played by my own sandman

Maybe this is a prelude to my talent and unwritten plans

Or maybe, I'm a lone player, in search of a number one fan

Dwayne L.

I Can't Sleep

I can't sleep, so I guess I'll write down some random thoughts: 

Its funny how a lot of us were SO euphoric when the President was elected, but NOW all of a sudden, everyone seems to have some problem with him. I truly believe a lot of it stems from him being elected President, as a black man, also, the GOP has had a mighty hand in the "fear tactics"... Its modern day Jingoism, except, Health Care Reform was used.  That has added to alot of the division that's happened in this country. First it was, "Obama is a muslim", then it went to, "Obama is a socialist", too "Obama is the antichrist". I've noticed over the last few years, that Americans will believe damn near anything.

I believe in God 100%, but religion and the bible? Those are man made creations, so who knows WHAT to truly believe. I mean, we are following a book, that was written and told the stories of Christ, thousands of years ago, and we actually attempt to apply it to modern days. You always hear people say "times change, and you need to learn to adapt" yet, we follow a book, with no tangible evidence supporting it, and expect that and all whom "preach it" or "live it" to tell us its true? Question: God spoke to and thru alot of people during the stories of the bible, yet, he doesn't speak to us? I mean, when was the last time God appeared as a burning bush outside of your home or asked any of us to make a sacrafice to him? Umm, never, yet, we believe it because someone says too. LOL.

Really? If that's the case, then I guess when you "tithe" you are really giving money to God, huh? Why the hell would he/she need it?? To buy or pay off....what? I'm sure someone will come back with the "You are giving to the house of God, not to God him/herself" blast, but if we are really "giving to God's house and lining ourselves up for blessings by giving 10% of what we make", then why are there just as many, if not more, churches in black communities, than liquor stores, yet the physical and personal outcomes of those living in  said communities has never changed? So we don't come to our own respective conclusions anymore, huh?

Half of the people who have comments about Obama and politics as a whole, don't even follow either. You can tell by how shallow and baseless, their responses are. For example: "Man, I think he's the anti-christ", or "I have a bad feeling about him", and my personal fav, "he is killing our country". Some hear tidbits of this and that, and form what they consider to be "concrete observations" of what's true and what isn't. I believe the man is doing the best he can, under a flawed ass political, governance, and integrity-less system, that rewards the rich and murders the rest of us. Where were ALL of these people the last 8 years? Where were the Tea Party rallys then? We're all looking at the President's performance in office and want to "personalize it", meaning, what has he done for me? Last I checked, he was the President of the United States, and that covers all borders, cities, towns, and people. I commend the man, process, and completion, of a reform that's been 90 years in the making.  If only we can start doing what's right by each other, and stop the BS divide, that has us all at a standstill, maybe the world will be better place. 

Who am I kidding, we all have our vices, quirks, and opinions, and we are sticking to them--no matter how untrue or baseless, we are going to continue to do what it is, we believe...but is that actually right?


Diatribe over.

Dwayne L.

Special

Special:  The word itself is defined as: particular(a): unique or specific to a person or thing or category; "the particular demands of the job

In this particular setting...it's just random observations on life. I have been blessed to travel this earth, meet eclectic people, and have wonderful moments of clarity ....some, as viewed through the windows of my soul and felt in my heart:

I met someone special this past week.
I have a daughter that is so special to me.
I have a special ability to be very affable to everyone who meets me.
I crave the ability to be special to someone.
I have a special affection for rain soaked afternoons.
I see the special qualities in being emotional.

Am I special to someone when I do something nice and thoughtful?
I feel the special passion that encompasses any Diana Krall selection.
I respect someone who dedicates themselves to their respective special someone.
I witnessed that special moment in time, in Washington D.C., that occurred all over the world on November 4th 2008.
Who was the special someone in the beginning of the relationship before the love went away.....the hurt one, the one who left or both?

Everyone has their own special relationship with God.
That special feeling of hearing Sade sing.
The special moments of encouragement a people felt when Sam Cook sang"Change Gon Come"
Who was that special someone Anita Baker was singing about when she recorded "My Soul's Inspiration"?
When you realize being special is about what's on the inside and not in what you have.
Listening to Luther Vandross sing was special.

Growing from a boy to a man is special.
To return from Iraq was special.
Finding your soul is special...and then knowing how to contribute to the world.
To raise a child to be more than you were, is special
Falling in love is special
To kiss someone is special.

I am special.

Dwayne L.

Kariah S. Shephard

My Daughter. My queen. My love.....my life-blood. How do you put into words how you feel about someone who means the world to you? I can't. I have thanked my ex-wife so many times for giving me such a beautiful, delightful, and intelligent child.  We are so blessed! As you can see from the pic...this is the beginning of the end for me. See, as a father, your daughter will always be your Little girl.  That's so uncool because I will always see her as that Little baby/girl and I will always be her daddy, the protector of all, and her number one favorite. Alright, I know that isn't a reality and I am so scared. Am I raising her right? Am I doing my part to ensure she is ready for the world?

Will I be affable enough when she has questions about "boys" and why they are so stupid? I am not sure, but I have to prepare for it. I have had a life as tough as anyone, but I REALLY believe that the only blessing I have ever received is her. I am trying to be the man and father God intended me to be....and I must admit at times it is HARD. But, look at her......I can't quit......I have to continue to evolve.

Kariah, I love you more than I can attempt to express and I am so thankful for you. I know I have told you a many of times how much Daddy loves you, but I don't think there is anything more worthy than being the father you expect me to be. I am so sorry for the mistakes I have made, but I promise I will explain them to you personally when you are old enough to understand. Thanks for being the best child a father could ever want. I love and will always love you more than life itself. For everyone/anyone reading this....thank you for reading along....but as you can tell from the pic above, can you understand why I cried for 40 straight minutes during her Kindergarder graduation.....she is beautiful....and she is my daughter.....my baby girl.....my queen!

Dwayne L.

Questions? Part III

Why can't I go back in time and just be 16 again...for one day?!?

Have you ever noticed that Americans are split down the middle on every single important issue? The only time we seem to have a common agreement on anything, are in times of crisis (War, Natural Disaster, Terrorism), but that's only short lived because of our quick attention spans--is it so hard to just take that SAME united spirit and apply it to actually correcting the U.S.' myriad of issues?

When is Reality TV going to end?

Do people go to their High School Reunions for the following:
A. Re-ignite school spirit and reminisce on old times, classmates, and teachers
B. See those few people with whom they were close and lost contact
OR
C. Show off what they've become, versus, what you/they haven't--and to put it all up in someones damn face!....?

--I definitely choose the latter on that one....

If you really stop and listen to rap lyrics, it really makes you start to wonder: Why the hell would ANYONE actually enjoy listening too such blatant black on black violence, ignorance, misogyny, vain, homophobic, degrading, look-at-me, drugs/crime embracing, community deprecating, form of music as.....entertainment and a lifestyle to live by?

If you really just listened to the content of said music, and not the talented deliveries, would you truly be astounded by what was said above?

How many times have you seen the movie Friday?

What about Nightmare On Elm Street?

When did people become famous...for just being famous?

Does anyone watch ESPN as much as I do? If so/not, is that weird?

What immediately crossed your mind on 9/11?

Do you ever tell your true friends that you love them?

How many people do you believe will be at your funeral? Do you think they will mean what's said about you?

Who decided that we needed to pay for water, gas, and electric? Huh, who?

How does Bush sleep at night, knowing that he sent 4,000 young men and women, to their deaths.....for........? I was over there, and still don't know.

Is there really "nothing new under the sun"?

Why do we talk to our kids as we spank them? Who started that? Was I really supposed to answer those long-winded questions, as I attempt to save my own life? Was I, really? Huh?

Why did mom/grandma always tell you to GET a switch, KNOWING, we're coming back with something survivable....yet, she goes back outside and gets a baseball bat off of the tree to attempt murder on me with...hey, why the hell send me in the first place woman? Was it to make you madder?

I wonder what my future wife, whom I've yet to even meet, is doing right now?

Dwayne L.

Deep Thought Of The Day:

Sometimes in observation of young African American males, I wonder the following:

1. Do they realize they aren't carrying the torch for just themselves, but the next generation to come?


2. Where are the leaders....I mean, there are plenty of followers, but where are the leaders?

3. You do realize that "Hip Hop" is a form of music, not an ACTUAL representation of black people...and that your "blackness" isn't defined by how gangsta you are, how you dress, or by the way you walk or talk....right?

4. I pray that our communities finally pull it together...although its looking rather bleak at the moment?

5. What would Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, and/or Frederick Douglas say about the state of today?

Dwayne L.

Deep Thought Of The Day:

When was the last time you went to the mirror?

Not to see how good you look in whatever you're wearing, but to do some self-evaluation? You have to figure out who you are, and what your purpose is on this earth.

If you don't, well, you're just....here. And with you just being...here, how is that going to read at your funeral? What's your legacy? Are you leaving the world a better place then when you entered it?

Just something to think about.

Dwayne L.

In Uniform

Millions of Americans wake up and put on a uniform to go to work everyday. Some are Firemen, Mechanics, Cooks, or even Nurses. Yet, the uniform I'm speaking of, is one that I wore for ten years as a member of the United States Military. The U.S. Air Force to be exact. You see, wearing that uniform meant a lot to me when I was in it daily, but now that I'm not, it resonates with me so much more.

To know that every time I put the blouse, pants, boots, and beret on, I was representing America, was surreal. The totality of representation and responsibility never fully hits you until you start looking back on your time served...well, at least in my case anyway. There were some great, good, bad, and terrible times, but I don't regret a single moment. If I were to convey, via this blog, everything my time in the USAF meant, it would take a lifetime, but I can say this with complete contrition: I truly miss it.

I miss the Formations, Guardmounts, Salutes, F.O.D (Foreign Object Damage) walks, Commander's Calls, Deployments, and Exercises to say a few, but more than anything, I miss the people. Nothing can compare or replace the camaraderie, spirit, or life journeys, experienced with all I served with, and got to know personally. I have made friends for life. People from different walks of life, backgrounds, and nationalities.

People from Iowa, Washington state, Oregon, California, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Japan, to name a few. All because our respective paths crossed during our time in uniform. I'm sure the college campus experience can offer a feel similar to the aforementioned, but everyone is there for individual reasons. In the military, some may have joined for individual reasons, but that changed as soon as you arrived at Basic Training.

The people always make or break any job situation and I can honestly say, I served with the best people I've ever known. Thousands of them. From North Dakota to Guam, I met some of the best people God created. And you know what, I don't want to do my childhood over again, nor my High School days, but if I could do it all again, from Basic Training, to my final out, I would...in a New York Minute.

Of course I'd change a minor thing or two, but even if I were tasked to do it all again, the EXACT same way, I would. To all of you still in uniform, you have my unwavering respect, love, and admiration. Damn, if I just be called Sergeant Shephard one more time....well, I guess that's what dreams are for....right?

Dwayne L.

Video To Vibe 2: Let Me Show You-Michael Jackson & The Jackson 5

This song captures the magic that WAS Michael Jackson. The vocals, arraignment, and delivery, are of pure genius. You can thank me later.

Dwayne L.

Video To Vibe 2: Nicolay feat Carlitta Durand-Saturday Night

I will let the music speak for itself...

Dwayne L.

Video To Vibe 2: Incubus-Just A Phase

Beautiful Music at its apex.

Dwayne L. Shephard

Deep Thought Of The Day:

" How was your day today"?

That a phrase will always keep a fire burning in your relationship. Why? Because it lets your significant other know that you care about what goes on in their world, and it opens new avenues of communication.

Try it.....I'm telling you, it works.




Dwayne L.

Tiger Woods and the U.S.O.P.C.

I haven't really given my opinion on the Tiger Woods fiasco of 2009-2010. So here it goes: I don't care. Period. The man is human. With a billion dollars in the bank and temptation that the average man can only dream about, I am not surprised it happened. Not even a little. I am in no way condoning what Eldrick did. All I'm saying is, he made some bad choices, and he and the wife are trying to work things out. The End. But, its not going to be that way, nor can it be.

See, Tiger lives in the times of the 24 hour news cycle, the Internet, and camera phones. Every one now has the chance to be a celeb for a second or 15 and they are shooting for it. Tiger and all of his trysts, are now of permanent record in U.S.O.P.C. (United States of Pop Culture) He cannot change that, but I commend him ahead of time, for he is about to face scrutiny no other athlete EVER has.

But those are the times we live in. I would have never thought I'd live in a world where the amount of money you make, gives some, the feeling to believe your entire personal life is free game and open for discussion. Especially when those same decision makers wouldn't wish that same level of bashing, invasion, and various radical opinions, on themselves.

I know I'm right about this, but as long as money continues to run all things, we will be continuously subjected to an endless cycle of other adults problems, that we don't have the right to listen too.

Dwayne L. Shephard

Poem: Sunshine, Rain, Storms, and Hurricanes

Sunshine, Rain, Snow Storms, and Hurricanes

pretty much covers all of my emotions, yet some seem to outweigh others...

If you closed your eyes in a darkly lit room, you can visualize all of the aforementioned

but what if your existence was a collage of them all? From conception to actuality, could it describe your life's intentions?

What if I said Sunshine was my daughter, Rain was my decision-making, Snow Storms were my friends, and Hurricanes were my family...would that be great?

What if I said Sunshine was my God, Rain was my Devil, Snow Storms were my hopes, and Hurricanes were my aspirations...could you relate?

Ok, Ok, what if I said Sunshine were my Smiles, Rain were my tears, Snow Storms were my Trials, and the Hurricanes were my fears....how is that for my fate?

Truthfully, we've all had moments where all four played in a part in any single situation

when your heart, mind, spirit, and mouth were all standing at the same train station

waiting for the ride to take you to that great unknown...its only speculation once you step aboard, and your destiny is truly known.

have you ever planned out any certain instance to the letter, only to have it fail as if you should have planned a little better?

That's how I feel about Sunshine, Rain, Snow Storms, and Hurricanes

you see, to some, Sunshine is the greatest of the four mentioned, but many prefer others.

Me, I relax on Sunny Days, Write & listen to Smooth Jazz on the Rainy days, Want to be outside during Snow Storms, and are completely mystified by the beauty of Hurricanes...

Does that make me weird? to some sure, but not to all....and that's what life is all about.

You have no idea whats going to happen tomorrow, nor to you know when your last breathe will take place....so as I look in the mirror at this face that I recognize sometimes, I say this:

Enjoy the Sunshine, Rain, Snow Storms, and Hurricanes, because they all have a meaning, a definition, and a place...but don't get over consumed by any one more than the others, because your asking for a one sided experience in this thing called life.

Deep Thought Of The Day:

If you have someone special in your life, don't just tell them how much they mean to you, SHOW THEM! Remember the saying "Actions are louder than words" Its true. Cherish whom you share love with.

Dwayne L. Shephard

Video To Vibe 2: George Duke-Someday

For those of you who are Common fans, you should recognize the sample.

Dwayne L. Shephard

Questions? Part II

Wasn't High School the best and worst times your teenage years?

What ever happened to the Robot 'Vickie" on the television show "Small Wonder"?

Why are the things that are so bad for you (fast food, tobacco, alcohol, sweets. etc), the best?!

Why do we take love for granted?

Why wouldn't one party like a rockstar whenever they get the chance?

Why go to the club, pay $10 to $20 for parking, stand in line for an hour, pay $20 to get INTO the club, just to stand around, not dance, entertain, engage.....NOTHING! Why go?!

Is it just me, or did the 80's produce the best music?

Who in the hell decided one day "I'm going to say I'm Saint Nick...ohh, Santa Claus! I'll fly all over the world in one night, even though we all live in different fuc#ing time zones and COUNTRIES." So this was just done in one night...by an out of shape pale/colored white guy with deers!?

Where were you the first time you watched Friday the 13th?

Remember when MTV, VH1, and BET showed videos?

Who rocked Bugle Boy Jeans?

Where do I want to retire?

Who in the hell came up with Marriage?

Why is it that in America, we are SO over consumed with religion, and all that it "represents". Yet, we have a separation of Church and State and we think anyone is crazy who says they "speak/spoke to God"?

Why are there SO many Churches and Liquor stores in predominately Black communities?

The End.

Dwayne L. Shephard

Video To Vibe 2: Herbie Hancock-Running To Me

Random Thoughts

I am a fan of love. I really am. 100% sure the few who "truly" know me will beg to differ, but I am a major fan of it. Major as in, I've learned to appreciate and value the precious gift that is....it. It's so funny I should write this, being that I have just become a fan of the aforementioned in the past two years. I can go on for days, explaining why and how I've reached this point, but that's for another time. But to answer the question of: Why am I such a "fan" of love? There is NOTHING on earth that can match the electricity and adrenaline mix that is love. On the flip side, there is NOTHING worse feeling than giving your mind, body and soul to someone, who seems to care lesser than less and ultimately stomps on your heart. Oh, and the fact that I've have been on both sides of love (Happiness/Heartbreak) and both sides of game (Gamed/Gamed on). Its so crazy how your perceptions change when you hit "fandom".

Honestly, we all WANT love, yet when some of us receive/have it, we treat it as if it's cancer. We don't want it. I mean, we want it like say....a scarf, but we don't need it in a life or death manner to stay warm. There are a many of men and women out there WISHING they had someone, and the individual who is in the "Taking all aspects of the relationship for granted" phase is just enjoying the dangerous ride. After all I've been through, I just want to be happy. I'm sure I share that sentiment with a lot of people, but i seriously just want to be happy. I don't want 4 to 5 women, trying to get my playa on...no, I want one women. One that I appreciate and respect. And she that way about I. The reason I wrote that last blurb was to say this: Communication, Honesty, and Integrity, will ALWAYS lead to a successful relationship.

If you aren't willing to offer ALL three when you enter into said relationship, you are turning over the hourglass for heartbreak, and gearing to throw it all away.

I believe in love. I really do. Ensuring those three elements listed above are woven together, will keep the two in love, woven together.

Dwayne L.

Questions? Part I

Why do we as Americans complain about politicians and how slimy they are, yet every election, we're right back at the voting booth electing ANOTHER individual of the same elk?

Who in the hell started this new version of the sag--you know the "show your entire ass" phenomenon? Who the f@#$ started this and when is it going to end?

Isn't Karma a bitch?

When are we as African Americans going to get rid of the "crab mentality" and then rid ALL of our communities of violence, drugs, and financial exporting?

Who the hell thought of the name Montana?

What happened to the soul, passion, creativity, professionalism, and love for music?

Anyone have doubts now?-Congrats to Kathryn Bigelow-first woman to ever win the Best Director Academy Award.

After Facebook and Twitter, what's next?

Why can't we just appreciate the man/woman holding our heart daily, instead of having the relationship deteriorate, then finally seeing the full value of their worth and importance to your existence?

Why aren't the men and women in uniform praised DAILY, instead of on a few holidays or when a war is beginning? Pisses me off!

Have you ever looked at a stranger and just wondered what their life was actually like daily?

Ever wish you could go back in time and be a kid again?

Why aren't artists such as: Eric Roberson, The Foreign Exchange, Esparanza Spalding, Elane Elias, The Roots, Res, Conya Doss, and Chris Botti (to name a few) aren't the Diamond Selling artist, making 50 million a year, and being adored the world over? These are examples of true musicians!

I guess that's enough for Part I huh?

Dwayne L.

Poem: Inveigle Me Baby

One of my oldies, enjoy:

Inveigle Me Baby

You had me going Ms Lady I must say

Played me in every conceivable way...

Up...down....side to side....round & round

Had me feeling as if I were doing flips while standing on solid ground

Hmm...You were good...nah, scratch that, you are good

Good at manipulation, you and your narcissistic ways

Great at fucking up seconds, minutes, hours, hell, whole sunny days

Your attempts to win me back are futile...

My panacea with you...is to get away, miles....by miles...by miles...

What did I do to deserve this?

Don’t get me wrong, I know the answer, but I want to hear your rationale and justification for being who you are?

Oh...this should be good....I wonder if I have the "Inveigle Me Baby" look on my face...I doubt it....but hey....

Oh snap, she's going for the "looking down at the ground, with the expression of death and remorse on her face" face...she's going for gusto.

As I stand here...in my mind I’m screaming, "Go ahead yo!" but my external demeanor is as cool as the 14th of January near Lake Michigan...She starts with...."I just...I don’t know...baby I...."

You can stop right there....you see, the left side and right side of your brain are doing a dance in search of answers...yet, I don’t hear any music

I'll tell you how things are how they are...

You’re a Vain, Myopic, Neurotic, and Caustic girl posing as a woman...you would not know love, commitment, honor or sacrifice if it walked up and said hello I’m all of the aforementioned...yet you wanted to walk with my heart in tow?

See, I’m okay now, because you taught me what NOT to look for in love, and its okay, because this moment of jackassery was needed to discover the real he, who is searching for the real she. So I want to say thank you mami...thank you for fake loving me, fake needing me, for all the fakes ...without you, I'd never know what to look for when I do decide to look for real love....thank you for being that lady, thank you for the Inveigle Baby.

R.I.P Clearance Flint--March 10th 1954-March 9th 2010

Dear Uncle Clearance:

What's up my man...I'm pissed that I'm not going to see you anymore, but its just your time. I know in instances like this we tend to question why, but no, I'm going to think of the great thoughts and rejoice in the times we shared. You were not a man of many words and some would look at you as "different" but you were a brother to some, an uncle to many, and a man of God and that's all that counts. There were times I'd wonder "What would have Unc's life been like if he's had the chance too..." I never seemed to find whatever image, sentence, or movie as an answer, and I'm sure those thoughts will become even more active after your passing.

But know this: you had a heart, a life, and a family who will always love and think of you. I know in the today's views your life may not have left the biggest mark, but to me, you lived as you were designed, and you always, always had a smile. I told you to take care of yourself and that I loved you the last time I saw you and you shook my hand and said the same. Remember how I used to always come into town and as soon as I saw you, you'd offer that right hand and say "Hey there Dwayne" and I'd always respond "dude, I don't take your handshakes, you better give me a hug"? I'd settle for that handshake right now.

I love you Uncle Clearance.


Dwayne L. Shephard

Welcome!

Welcome to Gemini Observations. My name is Dwayne and I guess i'll be your tour guide. The purpose of this blog is to discuss and/or post whatever happens to come this mind of mine. I am a lover of reading, music, the arts, politics, life, and of course sports. I hope to capture your attention as you view these observations....

Thanks for visiting!

Dwayne L. Shephard