Just....

Sometimes, I need to write to let it all out.  At this particular moment, I'm not sure what I want to get out, but this forum always helps.  This past weekend I spent time between fighting old feelings, watching basketball (LOVES THE NBA PLAYOFFS!), and spending time with my daughter.  I had a conversation on Friday and the entire topic was based off of the saying "Hindsight is 20/20", and its so true.  If you had the chance to go back in time and change all of the mistakes you've made, would you?  Personally, I wouldn't change ALL of the mistakes, but the major few that i've made I would.  Why, because of my daughter.  There is nothing better than being a parent, especially one whom lives in the same residence as their child. 

That mistake (I'll let you read between the lines) is the one mulligan I would correct.  I am a dedicated, loving, and attentive father, and I love this role.  But, if I could be all of the aforementioned, but at home with her daily, I'd give anything to not have made the decision to divorce my ex-wife.  I have a nice amount of regret that will forever follow me in that regard, forever, but I welcome it.  Why, you ask?  Because, that terrible decision shaped me forever in the right way.  It made me appreciate true love, and companionship--and I miss that daily.  I know that whenever I meet my future lover, I will be all that I am supposed to be and more, and I am happy about that.  There is nothing better than growing from a situation that can be life-altering, and that one was.

On to other topics;  I think I have FINALLY, after several years of searching, found my calling--well, partially.  There is another goal I want to take on, and it won't hamper me from achieving the former, but I am excited as hell.  I've been talking about these new found "discoveries" ad nauseum with whomever is within earshot.  And the feedback has been completely positive.  Finding a passion--or in my case two-- is so awesome.  Its liberating, exciting, and terrifying all at the same time, yet, I finally feel free.  Free to go and obtain all that I long for and paving a path that will define my life and legacy forever.  That makes me feel great.  I know I tend to be vague when it comes to describing anything, but hey, It's in my DNA.

Anyway, thanks for reading/listening, and in the words of the legendary group U2 "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"  but at least I know where to start looking now.

Dwayne L.