My Friday

My Friday (June 25, 2010) has been awesome.  I enrolled and got accepted into college again, this time, DeVry University, Atlanta.  I had to go and take a series of tests over a 3 hour time limit, designed to test my aptitude, and passed in the 90th percentile.  So needless to say, I'm a little excited.  Got about a week off before I start up and it feels good.  I'm going to major in Multimedia Web Design and Technology...seems like something an eclectic cat would like, right?  LOL 

That's my today. I feel like I'm heading in a new, yet, exciting direction, and I am proud of me....good job, good sir.!
Dwayne

Video Of The Day: Depeche Mode---Behind The Wheel

One of my favorite videos/songs from the 80's, (1987 to be exact) the song is dark, and the video represents exactly what the song is about: Relationships. Love this.

Dwayne

Once Upon A Time....

....there was a little boy named Dwayne.  Dwayne was your average American little boy.  He loved to play sports, video games, dance, and basically get into any and everything. (typical little boy ish)  Even as he grew, he continued to enjoy being with friends and family, hell, even looked to the stars dreaming of a way to be in a place where he was happy...you know....happy.  At the age ten, Dwayne began to feel weird.  He just could not figure out where these feeling of distance, unfamiliarity, and emptiness started coming from.  Yet and still, he just went on...on playing, dancing, writing, and....dreaming, except these dreams had him in strange places, with strange people he didn't know....but they cared and he knew love would be something real and not prayed upon.  As those crazy/dreadful teen years approached, he was still searching, yet, had the ability to compartmentalize any and all of the terrible things that were going on at the time and occurred in (at that time) his most recent past. 

He moved on to basketball, football, track, and women...ahem, excuse me, girls.  Since those were the principle driving forces back then, he was once again able to compartmentalize his real life, and create a persona different than anyone had ever seen.  Best part of it all was that, he was in control, and everyone in his movie were just co-stars, if that, he was the star.  Even with that awesome mind state, something was wrong.  He started becoming cynical and guarded.  He had some awesome times, but he didn't trust any of his friends, family, and especially the women, excuse me, girls, he was bedding at the time.  Now look at it this way:  Handsome-ish, athletic, affable nature, funny, smart....don't you think having all of those attributes in your pocket would make you feel powerful, right?

No.  Far from it.  To think of it, it was the most miserable times because there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel...I'm sure there wasn't a tunnel at all, but at the same time, he packed it all away to deal with later.  Fast forward past high school and you have Dwayne, the Airman!  He enlisted in the Air Force as a way to find his path and to figure out where life was taking him.  He did it partly because of his father and figured it would be the perfect way to make him proud, all the while making money and traveling on Uncle Sam's dime.  Well, that plan didn't out as hoped.  Don't get me wrong, it was some of the best times in his life, yet, during that ten year period, he found himself slipping further and further away from everyone else and even himself.

The same story was starting to rear its head;  Dwayne having major trust issues and constantly searching for any and every reason to distance himself from everyone.  He didn't now it in this sense at the time, that comes along in a few.  So where were we?  Yes, the Air Force.  Fast forward to 2005; Dwayne has a beautiful 3 year old daughter and is married too the best woman God has ever created for an companion.  Would you like to guess what all happened?  Dwayne sabotaged his marriage and career for....the path.  A path he had no idea existed. Nor had a damn clue why he was walking...and alone at that.  But you see, he enjoyed it that way.  He figures if that's "his" mindset, he wouldn't have anyone hurting him, or he wouldn't be hurting anyone.  Boy did that plan backfire.  Dwayne then went through a depression that lasted nearly three years, and he became content looking backward instead of forward, mentally engaged in war he could never win, and for what you ask?  Don't worry, its coming.

Fast forward a few years to the right now; and the answer(s) became crystal clear.  He was missing his mother's love and affection and his father's ACTUAL man-like guidance, approval, and love.  He hadn't received any of the aforementioned via his parents and seemed to go through life as blind as Ray Charles.  Can you imagine what he's seen?  What he's been through?  If you had a clue, you'd understand, but that's for a different time.  When the realization finally hit Dwayne on his 31st birthday, he felt alone....alone, alone.  He looked back on his life in hindsight  and hated his mother for all that she didn't do, and ALL of the terrible things he was exposed too.  For the fact that he was cooking and cleaning at the age of 6 and how he knew what cocaine, violence, death, alcohol, cigarettes, and sex were before he even learned division.  He hated his father because of who he is, and how he won't be true to himself for the sake of anyone.  Oh well, you see the words were "hated," he has now moved on and gotten to a place where life is what it is.  And he is fine with that.  He still loves mom and dad dearly, but wouldn't life have been awesome if it were done the right way....you know...happily?

Probably not, but I think he's great now, and things are finally less hazy....holy shit!, we have a sun and clouds!!?

That Damn Time of Year....

...yup, its that damn time of year...you know, that time where there are no Basketball, Football, or hell, even Hockey or Soccer on. (Sans The 2010 World Cup we are currently viewing...well, at least I know I am.)  Nothing but regular television.  How do you normal people just watch...regular television?  Baffels me.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy television like everyone else.  My DVR is filled with an myriad of different types of programming, but that's just it; its filled with, and obviously not being "viewed," in real time.  Thats me.  I watch sports live and the rest of the television world is on delay until I am ready to dive in. 

I actually hate the fact that I have to start watching these shows now, and its only because I feel that void.  For the remainder of June, until the end of August, I'll feel that void.  Incompleteness.  But the best part of it all is that once I allow the void to set in and the feelings of the right now slowly subside, football, College and Pro, along with basketball, will be right there to guide me...back.  Back to my personal heaven, which occurs between September and June.  Constant information, updates, scores, injuries, drama, controvery...it will all return, and my life will be back to normal:  Back to revolving around sporting events, and all that it entails from fantasy sports, to the passions that rise during the playoffs. 

So what do I do in the meantime....what....oh what too do.....

Dwayne L.

Guess Who...

...It's Me!  Alright, I know that was dumb corny, but its been a while since I've visited my blog, let alone written in it.  Since my 31st b-day (I know, I'm getting old) I've been on the road a little, deep in thought a little, and tired beyond belief.  I've also discovered some awesome things about myself that I didn't know existed and that's always amazing. 

I plan on writing in this blog for a long time, but I think we all need little breaks here and there....right?  I've been watching Hockey, Soccer, Baseball, and the NBA Finals.  For the first time in my life, I think I am becoming a truly well-rounded sports fan and it feels great because I didn't know what I was missing in following some sports. 

Umm...what else...there is nothing else.  I've said a bunch of nothing, and it actually feels good to write that type of nonsense again.

Dwayne L.

31 Years....

Ya know, I never thought I'd be 31.  Yes, 31.  I mean...you're like a...real grown up.  That is something.  It really is.  I am really happy to be alive and too have seen all that I have in these years.  It has been a journey and I am so forunate due to it.  I want to thank God for allowing me to live this long, and pray I have a many more left. 

Happy Birthday Homie,

Self.

Random Tangent

Have you ever met a person and thought to yourself, "Man, he/she has some issues"? I know you have...hell; we all have at one point or another. The reason I asked the question is this: What if it were you that had said “issues” and the world could see you wearing it as a jacket, how would you feel? How would you respond?

Dwayne L.

Heartbreak

It's over.  It's really over.  My Cavaliers are....eliminated.  Unless you are a die hard sports fan, you cannot understand what a big game loss means.  Or better yet, the feeling one has inside when it occurs.  For me, I handle said games not very well.  I can't watch ESPN or read anything online...for at least a few days, and I guess its because I don't want to hear the over-excessive obvious opinions; My team lost, and why it happened.  Being that I am always in tune with my team(s), so listening and reading various talking heads' opinions about what transpired the night before, just doesn't do it for me. 

I need to be alone.  I need to grieve.  I need to heal.  And time can only heal those wounds.  Yes, I am a MAJOR LeBron fan and I know he didn't play his best, but what we all tend to forget about these athletes is that they are human.  They make mistakes and unlike us, they do THEIR jobs in front of millions.  When was the last time you had 20,000 people sitting in your office, and a few million at home, watching you work?  Regardless, I love my teams and when nights like last night occur, it really takes something out of you.  If i'm not mistaken, the game last night ended somewhere near 11pm, yet, I was up to nearly 8 this morning because I could not wrap my head around anything other than the Cavaliers.  Why they lost, what the plane ride back to Cleveland was like, what's LeBron going to do, did they fire Mike Brown already?  Those were just a few of the kajillion questions posed to myself as the game drew to an end and throughout the rest of the night. 

I am heartbroken, but I also know there is a tomorrow.  Now, will be a little different if say....King James leaves?  Yes, it will be, but I love LeBron and the Cavs, and that will never change.  I hate this feeling.  I hate the Television/Newspaper/Internet boycotts of all things Sport.  In a way, I guess I'm just like the athletes I cheer for;  I boycott all forms of media when we (like I play for the team) lose, I can't sleep or eat, and for some odd ass reason, like an athlete, after the hurt melts away, I become more and more driven to cheer them to victory (while they become more driven to win).  I have been called alot of things, but I've never not been called a real, true fan.  And that will never change.  I am in so much pain right now, but believe me, when the season starts in October, i'll be right there ordering the NBA League Pass, and building up to either another heartbreak or jubilation...either way, i'm always there.

Dwayne L.  

Dakota Alexandra

Hi Dakota, it's Daddy.  I just wanted to take the opportunity to say that I am looking forward to helping raise you and making life as wonderful for you as I can.  I apologize for not being there the moment you were born, but so many crazy things happened and sometimes you have to play the hand you were dealt. 

 Me and your mommy will do all that we can to love, nurture and guide you.  That I promise you.  I've only been fortunate to see you via pictures and webcam, but believe me, you are beautiful and I am looking forward to holding you in my arms.  Oh, you have a big sister.  She's 7, almost 8, lives in Maryland and is pretty awesome if I must say so myself.  She's excited to meet you and she will be a wonderful role model for you to emulate (her, and your other sister's as well.) I know this is kinda corny, but I just wanted to say hello, I love you, and I can't wait to see you.  This thing called life is one helluva ride, and I promise you will be prepared for it.  Well, I will see you in two weeks and from there, we will crete a bond unlike any other. 

Be good to and for mommy,

Daddy

A Letter To The King.

Dear LeBron: How are you family? I know you've better days, but the time has come to shut up all of the naysayers. Throughout these playoffs, you've struggled and dominated, but it wasn't with the consist flare and swagger we've all come to expect. You were right about one thing; everyone is allowed an off night, but this is so much bigger than just that. You have an entire basketball team, organization, city, and league on your shoulders tonite, but as the tattoo on your back states, you are the "Chosen One" and tonite's the night to let the world know it.

I couldn't in a kajillion years, try to understand what you've gone through since you walked off the court on Tuesday night. The questions about your impending free-agency, heart, team chemistry, and the city of Cleveland, to name a few, has to taxing. But you can silence it all tonite. With a game for the ages...sort of like Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals against Detroit 3 years ago, when you went "48 Special" on 'em, and shut the world up. I know you have another game like that in you, I'm just praying it's tonite. I wish you the best LeBron, and no matter what happens tonite win or lose (Please let it be a win), you will always have a "Witness" in me.

Dwayne L.

Red Sox Nation

I love the Boston Red Sox.  I mean LOVE them.  My birth certificate says Queens, New York on it and means nothing when it comes to my team.  I started rooting for them because I remember as a kid feeling bad for Bill Buckner and the ridicule he was taking for the "Play" that occured in 86.  Since the start of the '87 season, I have rode with them.  I always will.  From Pedro, to Nomaahhh, to Aaron "Fu*king" Boone, I've been there.  I shed a tear when Teddy Ballgame was introduced at the 99 All Star game.  Couldn't sleep when Boone tore my heart out in game 7.  Switched from jersey to jersey trying to give the team some love during the 19-8 massacre, cried like a baby when we won in 04 and again in 07.  I could go on and on with my love for the Sox, but I don't have too.  Anyone who knows me, knows that the Red Sox mean more to me in the sports world than any team.  The Cavaliers are running second, but I doubt I'll be in tears when they win the 'chip this season.  When Boston Keith Foulke got the last out in 04, I ran outside, shoe/sockless, with a bottle of champagne, and screaming so loud, that it woke my all of my neighbors.  And pissed off my wife at the time.  I am a CARD CARRYING member of Red Sox Nation...

I just love my team.

Dwayne L.

I Think I'm Becoming A Fan Of....

I love Josh McDaniels.  He is a head coach who leads, is feisty, compassionate, hungry, and smart.  I love Tim Tebow.  He is true to who he is.  He's a role model, a winner, a leader, and has the work ethic needed to lead any team as its quarterback.  I've never had a team that I rooted for specifically in the NFL and I don't know why, but I know that the intangibles that McDaniels and Tebow bring to the table, may be swaying me.

I've followed the Cleveland Cavaliers since '87, The Red Sox since '87, and Notre Dame Football since '88.  But I've never had an NFL team to call my own....ever.  I think that may be changing, and I may be leading the cheers for the Broncos from here on out.

Dwayne L.

Questions? Part IV

Why are so many parents so damn obnoxious at their kid's soccer games?

When was the last time you did something that made you happy?

Am I the only one who loves the NFL, but can't stand how they get more press and attention that any of the other pro sports?

Anyone else SO thankful that the DVR was created?

If you aren't close to but a few in your family, does that make your life less fulfilled?

Where would Aaliyah be in her career if she hadn't died so young?  (R.I.P. Baby girl)

Why do I see myself retiring in New England--New Hampshire to be exact?

Seriously, did Halle and Billy Bob REALLY go there in "Monster's Ball"?

Why is it that in Hollywood movies, you can shoot a shotgun like 73 times before you conduct a re-load?

How can the politicians even be cordial with each other, when they go out of their respective ways to be so nasty and cutthroat?

Why is it that nearly every black community, in every city, look exactly as it did 30 years ago?

Do some of our black entertainers realize that they are actually "Influencing" what comes out of our communities tomorrow?

Seriously, when is reality T.V. going to end?

Why did Chili from TLC even play herself and get a reality show looking for love?  Doesn't she, and everyone else in America, know that you find true love when you AREN'T looking for it?

I think i'm done asking questions....

Dwayne L.

Video Of The Day: Tears For Fears-Head Over Heels

Probably my favorite song ever...and one of my favorite groups ever...lyrics at its finest.

Dwayne L.

Why I Love LeBron James and the Cavaliers

That's my team
Dwayne L.